Who can doubt that wherever communism has risen, war follows?

The carnage it has caused in this and the last century is beyond dispute. The staggering numbers of people executed, imprisoned, poisoned, starved, and exiled to gulags are almost beyond belief, as the authors of The Black Book of Communism: Crimes, Terror, Repression have meticulously documented. The authors are all European. All were and are deeply acquainted with communist ideology and its fruits. One, Stephane Courtois, was a committed Maoist during the 1960s.

The book documents the death toll: 25 million in the former Soviet Union, 65 million in China, 1.7 million in Cambodia. Wherever Communism took root, it immediately led to criminality, terrorist tactics, and suppression of opposition.

But what does communism war against?

The answer to that question is best answered by former true believers who assiduously worked to advance Communism, but who eventually rejected Communism and exposed it for the horrors it produces within any society in which it roots itself.

In America, that question was answered by Whittaker Chambers.

For Chambers, who was a member of the American Communist underground for 13 years and who decisively rejected communist ideology by 1938, the struggles of the West were a war between two irreconcilable faiths -- Communism and Christianity. He wrote:

"The 20th century… is the first century since life began when a decisive part of the most articulate section of mankind has not merely ceased to believe in God, but has deliberately rejected God… The most conspicuously menacing form of the rejection is Communism.”

Chambers, who became a committed Christian in the Quaker tradition, wrote of his experience of Communism and of his eventual rejection and exposure of its influence in America’s political and academic elite in his book Witness, published in May 1952 at the height of the Cold War. Much of the book focused on the 1948 House Committee on Un-American Activities’ Alger Hiss probe. Chambers was a witness against Hiss, who was an active member of the American Communist underground. He was also highly placed in FDR’s administration, including a position as advisor to the president at the calamitous Yalta Conference, which, despite Churchill’s opposition, legitimized the Soviet Union’s occupation and subsequent oppression of Eastern Europe -- including the Christian churches.

Today, it is still important to remember what Chambers wrote in the early fifties, a time during which the Cold War was at its height. Throughout the 799 pages of his book, Chambers points out the core belief system driving the communist ideologues who began infiltrating America’s institutions, including academia, which he saw as beginning to lean left by 1929.

Other institutions were infiltrated, including political entities.

Chambers relates that many Communists were well placed during the presidency of Franklin D. Roosevelt. The New Deal and the subsequent establishment of a left-leaning, anti-Christian bureaucracy is a prime example of parasitic communist infiltration. "All the New Dealers I had known were Communists or near-Communists. None of them took the New Deal seriously as an end in itself. They regarded it as an instrument for gaining their own revolutionary ends.”

The New Deal wound up being a pink version of the red Soviet Five-Year Plans. More importantly, the bureaucracy founded in FDR’s tenure accelerated, eventually becoming a foundation of the enormous left-leaning Deep State apparatus that acts as an alternate governance that has been vitiating the American republic for decades. Until the advent of the Trump administration, it remained virtually untouched, encountering only sporadic resistance.

The deep infiltration of American institutions was not confined to national boundaries. As Chambers noted, communist influence was global: "There is an invisible chain of command that laces the world.” That invisible command was (and is) characterized by terrorism: "The communist party, despite occasional pious statements to the contrary, is a terrorist organization… It respects only force. Only terror terrifies it.”

He added that since Communism is globalist in nature and characterized by warfare, it inevitably comes into conflict with Christianity, the foundational belief system of the West and a supranational world view found in almost every corner of the globe. Christianity’s claims of a transcendent God who is the Creator of the universe and a supernatural order that influences the destinies of mankind and its institutions comes into direct confrontation with the Communist belief system, which believes only in the power of the human being and the almighty state. As Chambers noted, the communist worldview is "An attempt to imitate the escape of national and institutional boundaries as the Christian church did, but with the view of disrupting and destroying rather than reform.” (Italics mine.)

Chambers understood the Communist mentality because he lived within that worldview for many years. But as he witnessed the carnage that system of thought perpetrated, he understood that he must break from it. As he put it, "The Communist breaks because he must choose at last between irreconcilable opposites -- God or Man, Soul or Mind, Freedom or Communism.”

A realist, he believed the only answer to the terrors of Communism was probably the least likely choice. As Daniel J. Mahoney points out in his essay "Whittaker Chambers and the Crisis of the Modern Soul,” that option was that "The West must either ‘develop or recover’ those spiritual and moral resources that constituted its superiority over communism or risk irrevocably losing its soul.”

The option will only be realized with the rise of Christian opposition to a worldview that elevates man over God.

At this time, much of the Christian church is partially paralyzed into submission by the absorption of the leftist dogma that insists Christianity has no place in any sphere other than the church buildings. The retreat into a subculture has led to lack of discernment and a refusal to confront Communism -- as most Christians once failed to confront anti-Jewish and anti-Christian fascism.

The steady retreat from the secularized world stage is partly due to a vague and amorphous ecumenism that regards all faiths as equal and above judgment. The result is that many have failed to see communism regards the elimination of the Church as necessary in order the world it wishes to construct after the ruination of the West may rise.

But instead of recognizing and confronting the threat, the church generally has accepted faith as a merely private matter; or, as seems to suggest, the doctrines of faith become determined by group (synodal) consensus rather than by supernatural revelation.

Churches’ refusal or inability to acknowledge the applicability of the transcendent, supernatural Christian faith to all spheres of Western civilization has allowed the witless absorption of the leftist mentality--sometimes unconsciously, but often quite deliberately, as in the case of many Main Line denominations. Witness the capitulation of the Presbyterian Church USA to communist-inspired liberation theology.

But resistance by the Christian church to the corrosive effects of the communist faith now often allied with terrorist organizations, must happen if the West is to survive. The Church must confront the relentless anti-civilizational attacks presently ravaging Europe and now threatening America as well.

Resistance is possible.

But resistance can only begin by understanding, articulating, and confronting what Chambers saw as the "irreconcilable moralities” of Communism and Christianity.

Christian thought leaders can begin by recognizing what Chambers, immersed as he once was in the Communist faith, eventually discerned: "There are two great camps of men -- those who reject and those who worship God.”

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Timothy Birdnow

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Eisenhower.

Eisenhower who?

Eisenhower late for the gangbang at Cornell.

"i really liked being w u and matt. so anything anyone has to say about the gamgbang is out of their jurisdiction."

"i don't think we should feel any shame for the part. our body our choice asf."

One question; why is she Jane Doe but the boys have been publicly named? This is a charge that will ruin these kids even if they are acquitted because their names have been made public. If she deserves to have her name withheld so too do the men involved.

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Timothy Birdnow

And here we thought we won the Second World war!

Mussolini ranon the centre-left Ahora Nación party ticket and was elected mayor of Queropalca. The mayor of a neighboring Polish-majority town is said to be sandbagging defenses around the town square.

I know Nazis and probably Fascists fled to South America after the war (primarily to Argentina) but it's not exactly subtle to name your kid after the two worst Fascists in history.

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Timothy Birdnow

I know gamers often have bad hygiene, but come on!

Joe Louis fought many oddballs in his illustrious career but one of the more colorful characters was a guy named Two Ton Tony Galento. Galento was so nicknamed because he was obese, not merely a big heavyweight but obese, and proud of it. (That is very rare in boxing because usually it means the fighter has no stamina and Louis said he'd fun out of gas by the fourth round.)

But Galento had a secret weapon; he never, ever bathed. They say you could smell him blocks away. When he was in the ring no opponent wanted to clinch with him because he was so foul. He won a lot of fights just by getting his opponent to refuse to engage with him. Skunks crossed the street when Galento was coming.

This guy was kind of like that, I guess.

Galento, annoyed by Louis characterizing him as a third rate fighter, coined the phrase "I'll moider da bum."

And, despite having his face cut to the point it looked like ground beef, the stinking fat man knocked Louis down in the third round. Louis got up and promptly knocked Galento out in the fourth.

So I suppose this gamer was channeling his inner Two Ton.

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Timothy Birdnow

A Dominican illegal alien wanted for multiple crimes was recently shot by ICE agents in New York City. Now a judge has ordered he not be deported because we just don't have enough criminals nor illegal aliens in America, I suppose.

We need to start deporting these judges.

An Obamabot - US District Judge Paul Oetken - issued the ruling forcing ICE to keep hands off of Oscar Belgal, and it also forbids authorities from moving the criminal out of his jurisdiction so they cannot hope to get a fair deal from a more sane judge.

Belgal is appealing his detention on the grounds that illegal alien criminals have to make a living too.

So much of the judiciary was appointed by Obama and Biden and Bill Clinton largely because the Republicans operated under the premise of "to the victor go the spoils" yet when they were in power Democrats fought them tooth-and-nail over every appointment. So now the judiciary is crawling with radical leftists who are showing their hand because the word has gone out that they now have to earn their keep.

This case should not have made it before a judge at all; the man is an illegal alien and criminal and he has no right to access our courts in the first place.

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Timothy Birdnow

If non-citizens can vote, why not small children? The brain-dead (well, they already do in most Demcrat states)? Heck, why limit it to brain dead; why not the actual deceased? Maybe cats and dogs while we are at it.

If a state can overrule the rest of America we wind up with the very problem the Constitution was designed to prevent - a nation ruled entirely by a couple of high population states. That was why the Senate was created in the first place.

This is a judge imposing the Democratic Socialists of America's platform. Radical democracy without any sort of boundaries.

If this judge wants aliens to vote then the simplest solution is to have no aliens in America; stop ALL immigration and remove any and every immigrant, legal and illegal, in this country. Somehow I suspect another Democrat judge will rule that unconstitutional too.

This is old, settled law and it is a massive overreach by this judge (who has forgotten that SCOTUS said District Judges did not have the authority to make nation-wide blanket rulings) who simply invented a new power inherent in the states. He's indulging a kind of nullification that would make John C. Calhoun feel like a hayseed.

This ruling should prompt Congress to dissolve this guy's district and make him seek work elsewhere.

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Timothy Birdnow

Nope, the U.S. September heat wave was no record.

Won't hear THAT on the evening news.

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Tiothy Birdnow

Mark Caney's "elbows up" strategy of antagonizing the United States has led to massive jobs loss in Canada - 68000 in September (the equivalent of half a million jobs in the U.S.) and that after a loss in August of 41.700. Elbows up will soon mean as in downing a glass of Moosehead Lager as everyone will have nothing else to do eh?

The Canadian dollar has declined to a value of just shy of 70c U.S.

Considering our dollar is worth just a few pennies from what it once was a decline in the Canadian this far means inflation is going to spike. This was a 44% drop in value.

The article states:

So Mark Carney is selling off Canada to prove he's as tough and as smart as Donald Trump. He's willing to wreck the whole country. But why shouldn't he; he can always go back to Europe and run some fool agency there when it all goes south.

My father said when he was in the infantry they used to tell the men "I want to see asses and elbows" meaning to get moving. That is what we'll see from Mark Carney when this all falls apart.

Posted by: Mike at October 09, 2026 09:12 PM (r7WVt)

Posted by: Timothy Birdnow at October 10, 2026 10:09 AM (oflqW)

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Timothy Birdnow

Just as we thought all along; Anthony "I AM Science" Fauci hated Donald Trump and wanted him removed from office.

If he wanted Trump impeached, how far was this man willing to go? Far enough to release a nasty cold virus to gin up a pandemic?

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Timothy Birdnow

Oh boo-hoo!

So she's mad the state was unable to finish her off. She should be thanking them for screwing up and saving her worthless life; she now has a chance to find salvation for her soul, which would be lost otherwise. Hell is suffering eternal and she managed to cheat that for at least a short while.

A botched execution gave her a second chance at escaping damnation; she should be grateful and thank God.

Pike, you may remember, murdered a romantic rival with a torture fest and satanic invocations. If anyone deserved the death penalty it was she. That she was in her late teens is immaterial. 

I see no signs she took advantage of her time incarcerated to make amends or repent of the evil she promulgated. Satan never keeps any bargains and I suppose she expected him to go to her rescue. Fat chance.

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Timothy Birdnow

In a recent speech about the need to continue action in Iran President Trump made the following statement:

So naturally the Democrats made the claim Trump was inviting them to attack our cities.

Of course they cut out the second paragraph of the comment and are arguing that the President of the United States wants the Islamic Republic to wipe out our cities in a blaze of hellfire. I cannot fathom how any person with an I.Q. greater than a pants size could possibly believe that is what he was calling for, but the Democrats are not people with I.Q. levels above a pants size.

Even CNN had to admit this was a fake, a hatchet job on the President reminiscent of the tempest in a tea thimble that was the Charlottesville comment about fine people being on both sides (Trump was referencing on both sides of the argument about keeping Civil War statues or taking them down.) You remember that; they said Trump was calling neo-Nazis "fine people" when, in the same breath, he had condemned the Nazis. It was a lie but the stupid among us (and you know who you are) believed it anyway because they wanted to.

So now they are trying to suggest Trump wanted America to be nuked. Well, why ask the Iranians to do it? Russia has more and better nukes and they can hit America, and they are in a desperate death-struggle right now. IF Trump wanted America to burn it would be far easier to ask Vladimir Putin to do it.

This is evidence the Democrats are truly getting desperate; this is the kind of Hail Mary pass you throw when you are way behind.

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Timothy Birdnow

What is it the feminists always say?

Her attorneys are arguing she had to "process" the sex acts which she later decided was rape because, well, everyone thought her a total whore.

This is why the prosecuting attorney's office did not press charges when this was brought to them; this is an admission it was consensual. Consensual means there was no rape involved (except in cases where a child is involved and cannot give informed consent).

Yes, these boys are total dirtbags but they aren't rapists. The real rape is this woman and the feminazis pushing her; they are raping these boys' civil rights.

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Timothy Birdnow

The U.S. government spent over 26 billion dollars to recruit and assist illegal aliens to come to America.

And while these NGO's no doubt used a lot of it to bring these aliens here against our will they also probably funded Democrats to no small part.

Thats why this story is interesting and dovetails with the first. Democrats don't have the money to win the Senate, this article claims. In previous election cycles the Democrats have always had vast sums of cash on hand and were able to use it to win seats. Not so much anymore and I suspect the two are linked. The Democrats have been laundering money via these "charitable" organizations for decades now. Dry those up and you dry up the Democrat's ability to win elections.

The lifeblood of politics is money and the Democrats have long dominated because they created a machine to launder vast sums of cash, much of it from the American taxpayer. It kept Congress razor thin for years and gave us Barack Hussein Obama and Joe "the sunshine of the empty mind" Biden. This machine went back to the Clinton era and probably before. But now Trump is starting to dismantle it and suddenly the Democrats are finding the dark money harder to come by. We need to ride this to the end and then the Democrats will collapse and we can enjoy spitting on their political grave.

But first we have to win this November. In fact we have to win the next half dozen or more elections to restore balance.

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Timothy Birdnow

Sweatshop.

Workers of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your chains!

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Timothy Birdnow

Older voters are moving back to the GOP in large numbers, prompting one pollster to suggest the election is winnable for the GOP despite the gloomy predictions made by most poll watchers.

This thing is not over by a longshot.

Now the NY Times is admitting there is an undertow? What does it man? It mans they know they have been lying about the polls and are now trying to set the stage for a GOP upset after predicting a blue wave. They do this every year, but this year they have taken it to the very edge because so much is riding on this.

Older people vote much more than do the young.

The article also points out that:

I do not believe polls showing a big win for Democrats. After the total beatdown of the last election how could they be correct? People overwhelmingly rejected the Democrat program and while things haven't been all kittens and sunshine under Trump the economy is much better than under Biden, America is respected again, the border invasion has closed, the crazy woke nonsense has declined, and we are in better shape all around. Yes, prices are still a bit too high and especially gas prices (which are substantially lower than during the Biden era)but overall people are better off now than they were two years ago.

Yes, people are brain-damaged where memory is concerned. And yes, the Dems won all of the special elections (where they threw vast resources at them while the GOP pretty much ignored them) but I still do not believe the public will be so fickle as to turn out the Republicans and bring back all the investigations and impeachments, the rage and acrimony and the insane socialist policies.

I think the tide is about to quietly turn as the pollsters scramble to explain why they got the polls so very wrong come November.

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Timothy Birdnow

James Talimebananarico just won the geriatric hippie country western pothead vote.

If by "good man" Nelson means a heretic free with other people's money who lies about his opponents then maybe he can make a case. He and I seem to differ on the meaning of "good".

Team Talarico

@TeamTalaricoHQ

BREAKING: @WillieNelson endorses James Talarico:

"I've gotten to know James Talarico. He's a good man, who will be a good senator for the state of Texas. Please vote and vote for James Talarico."

00:00

7:22 AM · Oct 8, 2026

Nelson, who has admitted to being addicted to marijuana and smoked the devil's lettuce all of his life, has long been a Democrat and liberal activist and the fact his brain does not function should come as no surprise.

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This from Vincent Thomas Ignatious:

Further info on the UAP psyop...

Richard Doty. Who is Richard Doty? Glad you asked!

Richard Doty is a former special agent for the U.S. Air Force Office of Special Investigations stationed at Kirtland Air Force Base in New Mexico during the late 1970s and 1980s. He is one of the most polarizing and controversial figures in modern ufology due to his admitted role as a military counterintelligence operative who targeted the UFO community with official government disinformation.

Paul Bennewitz was an electronics contractor who got his hands on filmed test flights of covert military technology. He believed what he saw were extraterrestrial craft, and alerted the military.

Doty was tasked to feed Bennewitz elaborate UFO Disinformation materials and encouraged him to pursue the Alien angle in order to keep the military technology a secret.

Doty also fed this Disinformation to many in the UFO community, including John Lear. Lear, by the way, is the man who introduced us to proven liar Bob Lazar.

You are being lied to about UAPs.

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Timothy Birdnow

Canada approved a woman for assisted suicide because she was depressed she couldn't cook for her family any longer.

I kid you not.

She eventually received counseling and they convinced her she was worth more to her family than just as chef and waitress. She withdrew her request.

But the fact the Canadian government approved this is simply astonishing.

Often elderly people become depressed because they can't do what they used to do, and they may express a desire to die and be set free, to not be a burden on their families. But this is a psychological issue and not a physical one, and the very fact someone who is not in great physical pain but who expresses a desire to die should give everyone great pause; it's a sign of mental issues and we don't give sharp knives or poison to people in psych wards who are suffering from depression. We exhaust every resource to help them handle their emotions. If we did not do that there would be a LOT of dead people in those hospitals.

Suicide, as the saying goes, is a permanent solution for a temporary problem.

Sadly doctors often jump to the conclusion that a careless word expresses a deep seated wish and that is not often the case.

When my father was in the hospital after experiencing a stroke I received a call from the attending physician who said they were going to put him on hospice. I was puzzled; he was in good physical shape and recovering well. I went to the hospital and learned my dad had run off at the mouth too much, saying he would rather die than be permanently "living like this" meaning permanently hospitalized. They immediately took that to mean he was refusing treatment and they were going to simply let the man die. Now he was in his early nineties at the time and at that age people often say whatever pops into their heads. I got the doctor to come in and talked to dad - something this foreign born guy didn't bother to really do - and he said "no, i don't want to die, what gave you that idea?" They started him back on treatments and he lived for another year and a half, most of it at home. He was talking about a hypothetical, about not wanting to be kept alive by artificial means or living when he was wholly incapacitated. They took it as a general principle.

If I hadn't fixed that he would have died earlier than necessary and we would have lost so much precious time with him.

Asking someone who is elderly and depressed because of it to make a decision like that is pure cruelty. But it is fundamentally no different than asking a tween if they want to be a girl and get their johnson removed; you are asking someone who does not have the capacity to make such decisions to make them and suffer permanent harm as a result.

This is so very typically liberal; they want people to be able to off themselves but not people to off a predator who is threatening their lives. They want to be free to copulate with anything, animal, vegetable, or mineral, but then kill the product of those unions, the child who had no choice in the mother's animal behavior. They try to ban alcohol, a chemical that has been with us for our whole history, but promote cannabis and other narcotics. They are the most double-minded of people, unstable in everything they do.

This story had a happy ending, but we are going to hear more an more horror stories in the years to come of people who die when they do not wish it.Its happened at least once already.

This is what happens when you stop valuing all life and only care about those lives that can do something for you or for society. To the Left Life is not sacred but utilitarian and when that utility is at an end it's time to stop using resources better reserved for the productive (who, oddly, are often not productive at all but milk the system.)

I have a modest proposal; perhaps we should offer to euthanize welfare recipients and the underprivileged, homeless, and illegal aliens? None of THEM are pulling their weight. So shouldn't we send them on to their eternal reward? (See how kind I am; I didn't even tell them that, since there is no God there is no Heaven and when we euthanize them they will simply disappear forever.)

I am mindful of the old television show House. There was a scene where one of his patients said "I want to die with dignity" to which House responded "there is no dignity in dying". He is right to no small degree (and his character was an atheist so he was being non-hypocritical as he saw it as the true end of a person) and we should do what we can to keep people alive.

I've long argued Leftists love euthanasia and abortion because they ultimately seek equality with God and since they can't create life they can find their equality in deciding when and how it will end. This is the power of Satan, to take it away but not give it. The two are one.

If Liberals are so fired up about death with dignity might I suggest they lead by example.

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Chapter II

In which our hero slips away from the lab and his creators must find a way to lure him back.

And so the poor creature sought to fly free from his place deep in the bowels of the Earth. For the first time in his short, short life he saw the outside, and it fascinated and frightened him. But what frightened him most was his stomach, which was growling an protesting as it had been years since anyone used it and the creature was in fact growing a bit faint from hunger. He didn't know what was driving him but clearly something was compelling him to go, to seek out...something.

He stumbled away into the hardwood forest, a newborn giant of a man.

Meanwhile his creators, Dr. Foch and Ugore, did some stumbling of their own as when the strip club closed and they were seriously intoxicated and flat broke and suffering with a, well, shall we say temporary male problem caused by over stimulation.

They got lost on the way home but eventually found their lair and, singing about hundreds of bottles of beer, they giddily approached the door of he old mine only to find it ripped from the wall. Uh-oh! The good doctor and his servant sprinted inside and found their monster had gone! This was bad; he wasn't ready for the big world. He needed to learn a LOT and he wasn't going to pick up any good habits from the folks who lived around HERE! The plan was to make the creature erudite and classy but if he took up with any of these local yokels he was liable to turn into a bib overall-wearing hayseed!

Meanwhile the monster found his way into town and wandered down the main street unmolested. Most folks greeted him with a distrustful eye, because he looked to "big city" for their tastes. He could hear them mumbling under their breath "lookee at him; who do he think he is!" as he wandered the dark streets. Eventually he smelled something, something that smelled absolutely delicious to him!

Now, a town like Mudflap isn't exactly known for gourmet food and in fact about the only place you could get good eats after sunset was...you guessed it! The flagship restaurant of the Big Fat Burger Corporation. BFB dominated the culinary scene in the town of Mudflap and even that smelled good to a man who has never tasted food in his entire life. Not knowing anything about how you get food our hero ambled inside the crowded greasy spoon as if it were a Michelin Five star Bistro.

Not yet knowing how to speak the monster moved to the counter and grunted "rrrrr" and the pimple-faced teenager with the red scarecrow hair, dressed in his spotted, clownlike uniform, didn't know what he wanted "I'm sorry sir but I don't speak Russian" the now and future counter monkey and fry cook expostulated in his cracking, high pitched voice. The monster grew agitated, pounding the counter with his enormous fist and putting a slight crack in it. The kid, afraid now, went to the back and got him some food.

Now the premier menu item of Big Fat Burger was the Obesenator. A triple patty of dubious animal matter piled high with a brownish cheese food of some sort and deep fried with Lard, the whole thing was topped off with vegetables especially grown for the company in their local farms which they had fertilized by the disposing of material by the Happy Time Port-a-Potty company, a subsidiary of BFB. There was an unfortunate side effect where all the vegetables tended to be blue, but that was easily solved; the tomatoes were then dipped in red dye #3, giving it a red hue although it had a kind of purplish tint that was a bit disconcerting if you paid attention, and the lettuce was simply needed a shot of yellow dye to make it green. Easy peasy. This whole monstrous concoction was topped with ketchup and mustard imported from the central African Republic and likely grown under similar conditions as the vegetables for the Big Fat Burger Corporation.

The Monster who would come to be called Frank didn't know any of this; all he knew was his belly was very empty and he wanted to fill it.

Diners in the restaurant found it politic to take their meals home as the enormous creature consumed well over a baker's dozen of the Coffin whistle burgers. After he was finished he let out an enormous belch that made the whole restaurant shake and then the kid at the counter asked him for payment "You owe $5.96 sir" to which the monster, now wholly puzzled as nobody had ever explained money to him, simply turned and began walking out. The kid called the local sheriff for a dine and dash.

As our hero trudged out of the finest dining in town the crowd that had fled from him ran screaming in terror. It was right at this time the local sheriff's deputies arrived, lights flashing and sirens wailing. They flung themselves out of he doors of the Crown Victoria they drove and aimed their guns at the poor creature "Freeze Dirtbag!" Now the poor fellow had no idea what either of those words meant so he started walking away. One of the deputies, a very skinny fellow with a missing front tooth and a wad of chewing tobacco dripping juice out of the hole where the tooth had previously been, opened fire with his shotgun. Not a clean shot but it hit poor Frank, who screamed in pain and took off into the night.

This incident, memorable as it may be, was the beginning of something this little town would never, ever forget.

Soothes the savage Breast

Music they say can soothe the savage breast. There was ample music and opportunity to soothe breasts in a town with a major strip club like Mudflap's but that is a whole other story.

When Foch and Ugore arrived back in town they were horrified by what they were hearing; their monster had run amok, ripping off heads and arms and urinating in gas tanks and forcing himself on the town spinsters, and mooning old lady Hagstone. He was even accused of performing Mime and doing other performance art. Foch and Ugore were terrified because this town had turned uglier than usual and they feared for their creation as the townfolk were fetching pitchforks and torches and even knife, fork, and spoon sets. They planned to lynch the poor creature, or at least drink a lot of beer while running around in the woods. It was obvious Foch had to find Frank first (he was always a frankfirster.)

How to lure the creature back without alerting the townsfolk?

Ahh....music soothe the savage breast they say. The two scientists returned home for their musical instruments. They went out into the woods and started playing.

Unfortunately this is hillbilly country and their instruments were a banjo and a squeezebox. Instead of Mozart they had to play Earl Scruggs.

How do you soothe a seven and a half foot, six hundred and fifty pound monster with Bluegrass?

But it worked; you must remember that the bodies they used to make Frank had all been born and bred here in the hills. It was as much in the monster's buish colored blood as it was in his ears.

In fact the townspeople were all drawn to where Foch and Ugore were fiddling away and pretty soon a hoe-down was in progress (including some Hoes from the nudie bar) and when Frank showed up nobody much cared. Everyone was dancing and while the monster didn't know any dance moves he did the Monkey fairly well, what with his huge arms flailing.

It turned into the greatest celebration in the town's history and even the cops slapped old Frank on the back and offered him the jug, which he drained in one enormous gulp.

The Evil Stirs

After the big Hillbilly Rave our heroes headed for home to go to bed and put the monster back in his shackles. What none of them knew, or even dared suspect, was that the evil was awakening and soon their world would change forever.

The founder and CEO of the Big Fat Burger Company was a man named Commodore Christopher Crepewurm. Crepewurm was believed to have served in the Belizian navy and he was a man who got what he wanted. What he wanted most was to dominate the burger market in a way even McDonalds was incapable of doing. It was on his orders that Dr. Foch was hired and the nanobot program wound up creating Generation H, the amazing medical breakthrough that had made the reanimation of the creature possible. And Commodore Creewurm knew he could make more money than God, almost as much as Elon Musk, if he could get Generation H to increase the volume of his burgers. Other scientists working on this project had found a way to allow the bots to grow the burger but not make the customers grow (except in their mid-sections and thighs) thus avoiding any disagreeable lawsuits.

The company had run as many lab tests as they could; now it was time to do clinical trials and roll out the end product to the public.

And where better to start than in Mudflap, Missouri? It was the home of the BFB corporation after all, and in fact if anything bad happened to the customers the Feds probably wouldn't bother coming to check as they were used to the inred folks around there having some bizarre deaths caused by genetic mutations anyway. So Crepewurm decided to roll out his product that very day when the Creature came to town.

As the monster and his creators slept peacefully, dreaming of very flexible young ladies on poles (well, Foch and Ugor did anyway) the evil began to quietly take over the town.

The Sheriff was called to the Scudly farm by Mrs. Scudly, whose teenage son had awakened in the night, rose, and subsequently began trying to eat Mr. Scudly's brain. The kid was mindlessly gnawing on his father's prefrontal cortex, and while his teeth were inadequate to break through the skull a hammer from the barn did a fine job of it. Mrs. Scudly was rather concerned and she told the Sheriff that her son had never acted out that way before tonight and she was going to have to give him a stern talking to. When they asked what the boy had done that last evening she replied "he was at Big Fat Burger with his friends but got chased out by a monster". The men shrugged; they had met the monster that night they thought he was an o.k. guy, even if they shot him. So it was just coincidental that the monster was present; generally everybody is present in a small town like Mudflap anyway.

Sheriff Pone assured the mother her kid would have a decent future "he'll be able to go into politics or somethin " the Sheriff told her soothingly. "We'uns are going to take him in for the night just to make sure he don't eat no more brains".

So with the boy in tow they started back to the station. But they didn't make it very far before another call came on the radio about a different kid eating his older brother's brain.

Now, most of the townspeople in Mudflap enjoy a good brain as much as the next man. Mostly its pig or sometimes cow. And its unfortunate but every now and then someone undercooks their brain sandwich and catch Mad Cow. But this was different; these kids were getting sick BEFORE eating the brains. One call after another came in and it was always the same, and not just kids but a lot of adults were suddenly craving the gray matter. It was obvious they weren't going to have enough room at the little jail in town and Sheriff Pone was starting to wonder what to do with them all. He called up local ranchers and asked if they could pen the zombified people in their cattle barns for the night.

It was getting serious. The Sheriff and the Mayor tried calling the Governor in Jefferson City but since they were from a different party the operator in the Capitol refused to put their call through, telling them to write a letter. They then tried Washington but the cost was too high for them and Washington refused to take a collect call. They were on their own.

Then they noticed something else, something that chilled them to the very marrow; the infected were getting bigger and stronger. Soon there would be no controlling them.

At one point a group of the zombies broke free and headed straight to Big Fat Burger, where they scarfed down the raw patties of mystery meat.

Now it was getting serious. You don't steal from the Big Fat Burger corporation!

All the while Frank and his creators slept peacefully in their coal mine, blissfully unaware of the rising danger that was surrounding them and about to force them, particularly the monster, into a decision that would change the world.

Return Again for part III of this episode.

See part one here. http://tbirdnow.mee.nu/the_legend_of_frank

Posted by: Dana Mathewson at October 08, 2026 11:34 PM (t37eA)

Posted by: Timothy Birdnow at October 09, 2026 01:59 AM (oflqW)

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